Loss is a part of life. Some of us endure the sting more than others. But life isn't about comparing and contrasting neither is it about having the ability to play God analyzing events that are beyond our control. These two factors can be stumbling blocks for many of us out there.
Life is short, it's equated to a fleeting vapor in the book of James in the Bible. It's like a blink of an eye that's like sand slipping through our hands. It isn't an analogy that is meant to evoke fear, but rather to choose to possess a deepened desire to live fully, genuinely and in a manner that when our life has flipped to its final chapter there was greater giving than taking.
Fifteen years ago today I was faced with this very reality. In fact, it slammed me against the wall and shook me to the core. My youngest sister, Shana, and her three friends were killed by a drunk driver at eleven in the morning on the Outer Banks of North Carolina. The worlds of countless people were altered in one split second. That includes the family members of the woman, Melissa Marvin, who was driving intoxicated.
I love when people tell me that their decisions are their own business. Every decision we make has an outcome and this one split second decision cost a lot of moms, dads, sisters, brothers, cousins and friends a somebody that they will never have the opportunity to see again. So destructive decisions do become my business.
It has been a very long journey. The gaping whole that occurs with loss isn't something that is healed with a bandaid or a few hugs. It is a life long process that can take you for a pretty crazy ride. But as I think of the world that existed fifteen years ago it feels like a million years ago, but just like yesterday. In fifteen years I have gained a stronger respect for family, the fragility of life and prioritizing what is and what isn't of value.
Shana, Megan, Angela and Amanda have taught me lessons that no lecture, book or website could even come close to. I have learned that the greatest way to honor those who are no longer here is to press forward and live life fully, passionately and genuinely. I have learned that we are not only responsible for our decisions, but we must have a voice when others are making choices that have the ability to inflict harm upon others. If one person had spoken up that day fifteen years ago, I would still have a sister.
Your voice matters.
I have learned that anger is a normal emotion, but bitterness is not. Being bitter is toxic and then you become a victim and that isn't fair to those who are still here and the one you lost. I have learned that God is bigger than we are. He is in control and He can do amazing things in lieu of heartache and loss. God is good even when life is crap. I have learned that family is a beautiful thing and that when I take my last breath my eyes will open and I will see Shana and a whole lot of people this heart of mine has missed for many years.
As you begin your week take the time to count your blessings and maybe do a little check list of what and who you are investing most of your energy in. The reality is, you can't take what doesn't matter with you.
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