Bitter better or not?

“Don’t be a bitter Betty.” What is bitterness? Webster’s Dictionary defines it as the following:  “exhibiting intense animosity, harshly reproachful marked by cynicism and rancor .” Each of us are handed a different hand of cards in life. One of our greatest challenges may be in not comparing our hand to the guy or girl on either side of us. Sometimes life can present challenges, obstacles, losses and strife that can seem daunting. It’s easy to compare and contrast and think, “well, this surely isn’t fair now is it?”

Bitterness isn’t an immediate state, but it is something that we choose to take on. Whether we like it or not it is a choice.  It may first surface as anger or resentment that then festers and over time morphs itself into bitterness. Whether it be from losing a job, ongoing financial challenges, a string of unhealthy relationships, constant health ailments the loss of a loved one or a million other slights that happen in life sometimes life can be wicked unfair.  The line can be fine, but the transition from one state into the other is rarely a rapid one. It’s an internal simmering of hurt, regret or anger that can lead to a boiling pot of emotion that inevitably will spit and sputter causing pain to both the individual and those around them.

My junior year of college I went through a state of loss and hurt that rocked my world to the core. I experienced grief, anger and a sadness that seemed to almost consume me. At one point I remember my Dad putting his arm around me and saying, “you have a choice to make. What lies ahead of you will test you. Do not let anger consume you. Do not become bitter. Bitterness will cripple you. Ask God for strength, peace and direction.” It was at that moment I received some of the wisest prodding one could receive and I made the decision to ignore those words. For the next few years I allowed bitterness to overcome me and it skewed my thinking, perception of life and impacted my relationships with people.  It was the loneliest chapter of my life.

I was fighting a battle in the ring of life that was me vs. me. It was tiring, lonely and unnecessary. Walls were built around my heart to keep people at a distance and joy seemed to have been extracted from the simple pleasures of life. It wasn’t until I realized that my quality of life was being affected and I was, emotionally, hurting those around me. I prayed for guidance, forgiveness and peace. Bitterness kicked my butt for sometime, but I am grateful that it only made me stronger after the fact.

Every day we will face different challenges and struggles. There will be seasons in life where your heart may ache from loss, loneliness or frustration. Sometimes those seasons may seem like they have end. We do not know the pain and hurt of those around us and it is not our job to judge because so much lies beneath the surface. Anger is a normal emotion. Sadness is a normal emotion. What is neither healthy nor constructive is not dealing with it and allowing them to fester and morph into bitterness.

Personally, I have come to the conclusion that life can be crazy unfair sometimes but it’s way too short to dwell, simmer and quite simply be miserable. You are too beautiful of a creation and life is a vapor; don’t waste it on an emotion that will ultimately cripple the ability to enjoy the blessings and beauty that exists on a daily basis. Press forward, breath deeply and know bitterness is rubbish.