Get uncomfortable

“Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country,” was JFKs prompting to the American people during his inaugural address in 1961.  Now, a half a century later it is a way of thinking that has gone out of style. We’ve hit a bit of a snag when it comes to having a national movement with individuals serving others and passionate about bettering both country and people. So much of our culture weighs appearance and material possession over character and sacrifice. With this compromise we’ve lost so much depth and direction. It’s sad.

Complacency has been exchanged for passion. Our culture has become comfortable being comfortable creating barriers in the ability to see past ourselves, our own needs and wants. It’s a bubble wrap lifestyle that’s deflated of authentic joy. Blah. Life is too short to be consistently comfortable. There’s something pretty fantastic about assuming the risk of stepping outside of yourself and crossing the line from complacently comfortable to a shaken and stirred, out of the box mover and shaker. There are a billion ways to give of yourself, to bring a smile to another person in the world and add joy that will surpass your comprehension. It starts with one step, opening your eyes.

One of the coolest experiences is watching the wheels churn in a young person when they have to make the conscious choice as to whether they choose the path of comfort or take a risk and go beyond themselves. If and when that choice occurs there is a ripple effect. It impacts how they look at life, their attitude and, eventually,  it trickles into all facets of their life. But we have to stoke the fire for this generation providing opportunities as well as encouraging a vision that isn’t innate.

Last week I trekked into Philly with a bunch of kids who etched a day out of their summer to schlep into the city on a really hot day to hand out bag lunches and clothes to those less fortunate.  They had nothing to gain. Each of them took the step allowing themselves to be uncomfortable. Those they served sometimes looked a little different or maybe had an odor. It was awkward for some handing out lunches to someone they knew didn’t have a place to sleep that night. It was uncomfortable helping the lady who was missing teeth rifle through clothing for her husband who had lost his job and now they were living at a shelter. But the beauty of it is that the lessons from that afternoon will resonate with these kids. Their hands, their feet made a difference in the lives of others and it didn’t take a whole lot of effort. It just took being willing to be a little uncomfortable.

We don’t all have to hit the streets of our local cities. That isn’t in the cards for some of us. It might be going through your cupboards and donating a bag full of groceries to your local food pantry. It could be volunteering a few hours a month at a women’s shelter or participating in a 5k that raises awareness for CF or MS. The opportunities to serve, contribute are endless and they don’t have to require you pulling out your checkbook. Sometimes utilizing your time and heart can go a whole lot farther and take more effort than a monetary donation.

As we were returning to our cars empty handed last Friday in Philly, my feet were a little sore and I my shirt was damp from sweat. As we crossed the Ben Franklin Parkway the group of kids I was walking with were already chatting about what we needed to bring with us the next time we rolled into town. They were stoked and watching their eyes flicker with the contagious state of ‘goodness’ made my week. The truth is that serving, giving and compassion isn’t a one time thing. The ultimate goal is to allow it to become a lifestyle and when that happens, man, you get a whole new vision for life and those around you.

Bitter better or not?

“Don’t be a bitter Betty.” What is bitterness? Webster’s Dictionary defines it as the following:  “exhibiting intense animosity, harshly reproachful marked by cynicism and rancor .” Each of us are handed a different hand of cards in life. One of our greatest challenges may be in not comparing our hand to the guy or girl on either side of us. Sometimes life can present challenges, obstacles, losses and strife that can seem daunting. It’s easy to compare and contrast and think, “well, this surely isn’t fair now is it?”

Bitterness isn’t an immediate state, but it is something that we choose to take on. Whether we like it or not it is a choice.  It may first surface as anger or resentment that then festers and over time morphs itself into bitterness. Whether it be from losing a job, ongoing financial challenges, a string of unhealthy relationships, constant health ailments the loss of a loved one or a million other slights that happen in life sometimes life can be wicked unfair.  The line can be fine, but the transition from one state into the other is rarely a rapid one. It’s an internal simmering of hurt, regret or anger that can lead to a boiling pot of emotion that inevitably will spit and sputter causing pain to both the individual and those around them.

My junior year of college I went through a state of loss and hurt that rocked my world to the core. I experienced grief, anger and a sadness that seemed to almost consume me. At one point I remember my Dad putting his arm around me and saying, “you have a choice to make. What lies ahead of you will test you. Do not let anger consume you. Do not become bitter. Bitterness will cripple you. Ask God for strength, peace and direction.” It was at that moment I received some of the wisest prodding one could receive and I made the decision to ignore those words. For the next few years I allowed bitterness to overcome me and it skewed my thinking, perception of life and impacted my relationships with people.  It was the loneliest chapter of my life.

I was fighting a battle in the ring of life that was me vs. me. It was tiring, lonely and unnecessary. Walls were built around my heart to keep people at a distance and joy seemed to have been extracted from the simple pleasures of life. It wasn’t until I realized that my quality of life was being affected and I was, emotionally, hurting those around me. I prayed for guidance, forgiveness and peace. Bitterness kicked my butt for sometime, but I am grateful that it only made me stronger after the fact.

Every day we will face different challenges and struggles. There will be seasons in life where your heart may ache from loss, loneliness or frustration. Sometimes those seasons may seem like they have end. We do not know the pain and hurt of those around us and it is not our job to judge because so much lies beneath the surface. Anger is a normal emotion. Sadness is a normal emotion. What is neither healthy nor constructive is not dealing with it and allowing them to fester and morph into bitterness.

Personally, I have come to the conclusion that life can be crazy unfair sometimes but it’s way too short to dwell, simmer and quite simply be miserable. You are too beautiful of a creation and life is a vapor; don’t waste it on an emotion that will ultimately cripple the ability to enjoy the blessings and beauty that exists on a daily basis. Press forward, breath deeply and know bitterness is rubbish.

Wrinkles and lines

 Last week my grandmother celebrated her 95th birthday. It was also the first time she met my son, Jack, who was named after her late husband and my grandfather. As she sat rocking little Jack, cradled in her arms, she sang "Hello Dolly" and about half way through I noticed how she struggled to hold back tears. As I stood back watching my little boy being held by my last living grandparent it was a pretty poignant moment. I knew that my grandma was overwhelmed with emotion holding the little boy named after her husband and how Jack represented the season of life and birth as she comes closer to the end of her own life. My little one entered a world my grandmother struggles to keep up with while she possesses a history, so very rich, he will never fully be able to grasp it.

We live in a society that glamorizes youth and suffers greatly from ageism. Wrinkles and sagging body parts are frowned upon and there is a fear of age equating to decreased significance. The pressure to pursue an everlasting youthful look is off the charts. With focus geared upon youth and a fast paced everything there's a trend of discounting the weight in knowledge and wisdom of the elderly. They move slow. They drive slow. Forget about trying to explain tweeting or tagging someone. When they were born there was no internet, cell phones and, for some, no television. Our elderly are living, breathing history lessons and so often we are so busy being busy we don't take the time to ask questions, listen and learn. I'm just as guilty as the next person of already thinking about the next 'have to do' instead of allowing myself to live in the moment. 

My grandma was born in the roaring 20s, survived the depression, the heart ache of World War II and a time where being Jewish came with consequence. What she has lived through is mind boggling it's hard to wrap my head round it. I believe every human possesses their own chapters in life and so often we are so caught up in the now we don't take the time to gain insight into the pages of those closest to us. Her wrinkles and lines around her face represent the timeline of the life she has lived. Sitting on the front porch last week I learned a little more about my grandma just because I simply asked a few questions. With a cup of coffee, a rocking chair and her youngest great grandchild on her lap time froze and I learned about her, her parents and our family history. It's a wealth of information that can't be acquired in any other way than taking the time to ask because there will be a time when the opportunity will no longer be there. 

So as my little dude is four months old next week I'm learning more as a mom and attempting to look at life through his eyes than I have in my previous 37 years of life. Every day is a gift and the beauty of life becomes all the richer when we allow ourselves to learn more about those who (whether we like it or not) are connected to us, our history and generations of family that won't be here forever. There will be a day where the rocking chair will be empty and there will be no more opportunities for questions or coffee. Don't let time and opportunity to slip through your fingertips. I would give anything to have an hour to chat with my Grandpa Jack or my Dad's mom. They've both been gone for over 30 years now and there's so much I would have loved to ask given the opportunity. 

But the truth is we can cling to the 'should have' or 'would have' mentality or we can realize the fragility of life and begin to take a little more time to respect the wrinkles, gain curiosity when observing the many lines on a face and grab a rocking chair.