Seneca Elves of 2014

     So often we really have no concept of what those around us at school, work or even within our own community are facing on a daily basis. It may be challenging to hone in on the needs of our own community without being distracted by what we may deem as more pressing needs in other parts of the country or around the globe. This isn't me comparing or contrasting, but it can be easy to overlook what challenges and hurts those in our own backyards are facing.
     This time of year is usually high volume for students facing personal struggles and where the holiday season can evoke a sadness or stress due to personal loss or family challenges. December can be a hard month for many. What I love about my job is working amongst so many kindred hearts who desire nothing more than to provide a sense of joy and blessings to those who may be facing some challenges.
    We collaborate and make crazy awesome things happen. It is amazing to watch the magic happen. From the boxes of food that will provide Christmas dinner to providing a little bit of 'goodness' to a ton of students it's seriously my version of Disney World.
     What better way to start the Christmas Season than giving unto others and finding the most creative of ways to bring a smile to someone else's face? It is a blessing to be a part of a school and community that digs deep, looks at hearts instead of the external and is truly making Christmas wishes come true.
    So as Christmas draws closer my hope is that we take the opportunities that may arise between now and then to continue spreading hope, joy and taking the time to rock the worlds of those who could use some serious Christmas Cheer. Bring on the Christmas Challenge!

Tis' the Season

     "It's the most wonderful time of the year." It's a Christmas Song that many of us could easily ramble off a few stanzas from. Christmas, Hanukkah and the overall holiday season can quite often be a magical time for many young and old. From the smell of fresh baked cookies in the oven, lights lining our neighborhood houses and time to reunite with family and friends there is a a lot of goodness packaged into a few short weeks of the year.

       As we embark upon another few weeks in December that will be teeming with all the holiday trimmings it seems so very important to make a concerted effort to those who may be struggling to find joy in the tinsel, carols and cookies. In the past few weeks I have been in awe of the students at Seneca High School who, through facing the loss of one of their peers along with two younger siblings, chose to find means to encourage, remember and find unity through one another. It is amazing what powerful messages our own kids can teach us in trying times.

     So what is it that we can do as a community and in our own homes? In the past eleven years I've had some in depth dialogue with students who may have suffered losses, face financial challenges, have family struggles and the list goes on. When I inquire about the holidays some roll their eyes others may shrug their shoulders and there are those who find mid-November to the end of the year as more of a positive distraction from reality. What so many of these young people have shared is that bringing joy to others at this time of year doesn't equate to taking out your wallet, rather it's getting creative with your heart.

(Tristan and Dean organizing & bagging clothes @ Holy Eucharist's clothing pantry)

     When we face challenges, there can be an underlying sense of comfort or even joy when we don't feel like we're in it alone. It's meeting an old friend for coffee, taking a two hour break from the craziness of the world to watch an old movie with family members, baking cookies for the widow down the street, dropping a card in the mail to a friend who might be facing hard times or adding a place at the table for dinner for a young person or adult who may have no one else to share dinner with. The message of the holidays comes in many forms and it's fantastic to take a step back from the gifts, the to do list and all the other harried aspects of late December and allow the purity and richness of the last days of 2014 to be truly amazing.

(Your local food pantries are in dire need of your support both with food and volunteering your time)

     Because the truth is each of us can make an impact on the hearts of others in the subtlest of ways that not only brings joy to those around us, but brings a deeper grasp on what this time of year is really about.

(Seneca students handing out bagged lunches & clothing in Philly)

Eighty Four hours

In eighty- four hours you can accomplish a lot if you really want to. This year marked the tenth year of my annual Drug Squad Retreat. Now, after ten years of eighty-four hour weekends I can tell you I am a better person for it. Sleep and down time are at a minimum, but it's eighty- four hours that I look forward to every year. I have the privilege of watching 30 young people come together, learn to trust, open up about personal challenges and gain insight as how they are living their life. Every year I am in awe of what some of these kids have been through and how they have made the personal decision to live in a way that their words and actions are making a difference. For a sixteen or eighteen year old to have this as a desire is pretty amazing. It definitely goes against the grain of what society says we should be doing. 

Every year students who really don't know one another too well spend eighty four hours learning that to look at other's hearts, not their physical appearance and that each and every person has their own story, experiences and journey. It's not up to us to judge, but learn. In ten years every eighty four hour weekend leaves me speaking slower, listening more intently and taking in every moment with some exceptional young people. 

My hope is that the friendships forged and lessons learned will strengthen these young men and women choosing to step away from the superficial and gravitate towards substance and a life that is about health, compassion and a driven heart. Life is too short not to make a difference. 

Off the hamster wheel

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy delaying, deterring and derailing any form of progress when it comes to bettering ourselves. Blame lack of ‘self help’ on stubbornness, fear, angst or denial; it can very easily be a myriad of things. Regardless of what we may allow that personal obstacle to be, when it exists there is a present inability to take the necessary step to seek out the many resources that can often be a finger tips length away.

So many face daily challenges and wage battles against anxiety, depression, sadness, addiction, the shackles of our past, unhealthy relationships, etc. There’s a whole lot of heartbreak out there. But I have found myself recently exceedingly frustrated as a counselor with an ongoing trend with those I lend an ear to either personally or professionally. There is verbal acknowledgement with the issue at hand, often it is conveyed numerous times over the course of weeks or months, but there’s a firm resistance in going any further. The discontentment and host of emotions are clearly conveyed, but we come to a grinding halt in going any further than this.

As either friend or clinician I see the hamster in the wheel effect almost on a daily basis. There is a whole lot of running, exerting and chasing without any progress. They are stuck and emotions and circumstance can make the stopping or hopping off the wheel seem overwhelmingly frightening.  As humans, our present state cripples us and peering outside of the scope is petrifying. But, it is possible. At some point, we cannot be forced, but rather, choose to take that hand, make that phone call, fall on our knees, seek out that which is beyond what we can do for ourselves. Whether it’s depression, cutting, an addiction, anxiety, perpetual fears,  eating disorders or a million other things, there are options for help.

Help, self care, counseling, re-aligning, whatever we’re going with can begin personal re-alignment, but nothing happens overnight. Most of us aren’t patient and in a day and age of instant access to everything we also have a tendency to have a personal time frame of how long we give ‘help’ to work before we become frustrated. A lot of times, it can be a life long process. That’s not a bad thing, but rather a life focused on healing and realigning.

It can be hard sometimes to look ourselves in the mirror and like what we see. Life can be tough, rough and sometimes feel like we’re its personal punching bag. But help, encouragement and long-term resources are out there. It’s just taking that first, very scary, but very possible first step. Don’t allow fear to keep you fixed in a rut of life. You’re worth more than that and life is too fleeting to maintain rut status.

Every single one of us is unique. We have our own experiences and struggles. My hope is that when a hand is extended to us, a heart and ear is leant out, that although we may not be ready right then to take a step, we will keep it in the forefront of our minds and consider that maybe those chiding words from the counselor, friend, loved one or colleague might hold some merit to it. May the hampster wheel be still and the rut be filled to its brim. 

Self Harm

Being a teenager is tough stuff. They are faced with a myriad of challenges that can sometimes feel overwhelming. Our kids have choices as to how they handle stress, sadness, guilt, fear, etc. Expressing their emotions or confiding in another human being may seem like it isn’t an option and that’s a scary place to be.

     In the past decade there has been an increase in self- harm among the teenage population. Self-harm is when an individual cuts, punctures or burns themselves in sometimes visible, and other times not so visible, parts of their body.  

     It’s a struggle that can’t easily be met with, “just stop.” Self -harm is a form of coping, relieving pain and even expression. When emotions are connected to physical infliction of pain, the healing process is one requiring family support, accompanied by counseling.

     Many of you might be asking what does it look like? These marks may be masked by wearing long sleeve clothing or bracelets around the wrist or they can be in more discreet areas such as the inner thigh or on the stomach region. There is a minority of our students who will struggle with this, but many will indeed know someone who is harming himself/herself in this way.

     I’ve spoken with many parents over the years whose children have struggled with self -harm. As parents it is heart breaking. You desperately want to fix their hurting, but the pain is complex and the solution isn’t immediate. Support and counseling can help start the healing process.

     The reality is, many of our kids may encounter a friend, classmate or teammate who displays visible cuts on their arm or burns or cuts on their thighs or stomach. It’s uncomfortable to see and sometimes they stay quiet or make an attempt to fix their friend within their peer group. When it comes to self- harm the issues are deeply rooted and professional help can truly do wonders.

     My urging is for you to chat with your kids, reassuring them that even with all of their best intentions they cannot have the unrealistic responsibility of keeping something like this amongst friends or trying to fix it themselves. Some students may believe that any adult interaction will make things worse. Talking to a parent, older sibling, guidance counselor or outside counselor that can get things started in the right direction.

being in our kid's corner

It feels like every year there is some new drug being used, crazy ways of using substances and trying to keep up can be daunting. Throughout the school year I will do my best to keep you posted as well as throw terms and forms of paraphernalia that's out there that you may not be familiar with. 

The bottom line is that whether in a school setting, home or in a social setting if you throw substances in the mix it can be a little overwhelming in knowing what being under the influence looks like. I have parents ask me all the time, "what do I look for?" 

Symptoms of being under the influence:

·      glassy eyes

·      slurred speech

·      odor (alcohol, weed)

·      stumbling, lack of coordination

·      deviation in mood or behavior (erratic behavior or extreme lethargy)

There are occasions where outside factors can have a bearing on a young person's appearance, such as allergies or lack of sleep. But you know your child better than anyone and if your gut is telling you something more than likely you're right on cue.

 I do believe our kids can get through their high school years without getting into using substances, but it sure isn't an easy task. Communicate with your kids, know who they spend their time with,  encourage them to chat if they have concerns about friends or even themselves. Being a teenager is really hard and our kids have pressures on them every day. Let them know you are rooting for them and that drinking and smoking weed isn't a right of passage in high school.

I do believe most of our kids really don't want to get into using substances, but many feel alone or get tired of the fight and can often just throw in the towel succumbing to pressure. It is our job as parent's to be our kids biggest advocate and cheerleader. Remind them how awesome they are, reinforce that they are not alone in this fight. Remember, it takes a village. 

New year, new outlook

For any of you out there with kids who have returned to school or those who teach or counsel from k-12 it's hard to believe summer is in the past and a new year is upon us. In all honesty, I was pretty ok with clinging to summer for a few more weeks. I love my job, but sun, family time, back yard grilling, sandy toes and seventy five degree ocean water with seriously beautiful swell were ingredients for serious perfection. It was a summer for the books.
But it already feels like we're in full gear as lunches are packed the night before, lesson plans are placed in their bags next to the front door and hands are scouring for the next day's outfit. It's a lot of multi-living that often can catch us off guard even when, in reality, we all knew it was coming.
I really enjoy my job. Every day is something new, unpredictable and challenging. I love it. But as I enter year eleven at Seneca it seems insane how quickly the time has flown and how many kids have walked the hallways and are now in the really world. Each year there are new faces, smiles and hearts.
As some already talk of Christmas Break and June I shake my head and think, live in the now, embrace the next 180 days ahead of you. A question I have is, "what are your goals for the next school year?" Have you considered, "how am I going to make the most of the next ten months? what are my plans to make that happen?"
So often we look ahead and look behind, but are incapable of being content and settled with the present. The present slips through our fingertips and memories, opportunities that do impact our future are easily overlooked.
Take a few minutes and ask your kids what they hope to get out of the year. Do they want to play a new sport? Learn a new instrument? Expand their friend circle? Maybe it's taking that step and speaking up more in class or getting more involved with a local charity.
What about you as either a teacher or parent? What do you want out of the next 180 school days? It may sound lame, but I'm sure you can agree with me that the years fly by. We can easily lose grasp of opportunity for self improvement and challenge wishing for the next break or weekend. But my hope is that we'll embrace the now and allow the 2014-2015 school year to end with our hearts a little softer, our eyes a little more receptive and our desires to really live seem a little fuller.
Be the dream, baby.

A man of a thousand laughs

It took me off guard as I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and loss for someone I had only met on my television or the big screen in the movie theater. But there's a real sense of sadness that accompanies the tragic death of Robin Williams who, in the end, claimed his own life.

Prior to entering the mental health field I had a loose grip on the concept of depression and now close to 15 years later I find it difficult to know someone who doesn't have a someone suffering from this illness. The truth is, if we take the time to stop and pause, there is a friend, family member, co-worker or classmate who is struggling with depression. Even in 2014 I have overheard responses such as, "just snap out of it" or "just try to be happy," and a million other ill fitting responses to a sickness that is very real and one that, if deemed necessary, medication can provide one facet of assistance with.



We are a society wired to receive and expect everything instantaneously. When it comes to the world of depression it is far from having an automatic fix or cure. Every type of treatment is dependent upon the individual and one that might truly be life long. It can feel like an uphill battle with cliffs below and road blocks ahead, but it is one that requires the support and encouragement of others.

Counseling, prayer, medication and support of loved ones can help. But even as I sit here and reflect on Mr. Williams and the people that I have known in my life who have suffered from depression and ended their own lives it is an illness that breaks my heart and one that I try very hard to understand.

Robin Williams filled the screen with his humor, charm and gifts for many years. He was a man who made millions laugh, but one, behind closed doors, there was a hurt and sadness that his fans never detected. That's the funny thing about depression, it's something that can be hidden with a smile or a laugh and one that can often leave loved ones in the dark. In other instances, it can be detected with changes such as a notable sadness, withdrawn from friends, increase in sleeping and shift in interests.

My hope is that Robin's death will not be in vain and this will promote discussion around the dinner table, at the work place and amongst friends to know what to look for and that if help is needed that there are many resources available. Life is so very fragile and how wonderful would it be to steer a friend or loved one in the direction of taking that first step to talk with someone, reach out and know that they are not alone.

Give Kids the World

The world is a crazy place. Flip on the tv or pick up a newspaper and we're inundated with murders, rapes, burglaries, wars and a host of other daily predictable clips. Finding solace from reality takes effort and creativity, but sometimes it's what each of us needs.
Give Kids the World Village resides in Kissimmee, Florida. Maybe you've heard of it. After spending five days here I believe this place is as sacred and precious as ground can get. Founded by a man who lost his family during the holocaust, Henri Landwirth is seriously the type of dude whose face should be on cereal boxes and trading cards for our kids to emulate. He managed to funnel his loss and heartache into hope, happiness and dream granting.

Mr. Landwirth created the Village as a gift for families who have children facing illnesses to enjoy a week away from reality and enter his world brimming with smiles, hope and a kind of genuine love that makes the hair stand up on your arm. Close to 200 villas have been built for families to stay and call home for a week. There are rides, putt putt, swimming and daily trips to the surrounding theme parks. What I found impressive was that all the food, supplies, etc. are donated by numerous businesses and not one of them receive advertising or slaps on the back. GKTW was founded on humility, selflessness and they continue that even with sponsors. That's what giving is supposed to be.

As we spent the day serving waffles, playing air hockey with kids or being a train conductor around the tracks every minute was a gift. I can say, without hesitation, this place was surreal. Every single person you passed greater you with a smile. Each volunteer you worked with had a smile with a story of what lead them to give of their time at this place. Spending time with families and speaking with parents who were facing or had faced illnesses with their children and not one complained. Each spoke of their journey, their struggles and the joy at having an opportunity to share this time with their children. I found myself holding back tears in awe of their strength, their faith and the sheer awesomeness of who they were as people.
Our last night was spent working at the Castle where each child who visits is given a star. That star is fixed upon the castle walls where it symbolizes hope and the wish that the child made when dropping it into the sealed box of stars allocated for them alone. Walking through the castle there are thousands of tiny shimmering gold stars that each represent a story, a child and hope. It's an amazing place. 

We escaped reality for a short time, but the time away was beyond my wildest dreams. I may be back in Jersey, but a part of GKTW will always be with me. It's my hope that others will have an opportunity to escape reality, hop on a plane and douse themselves with a level of awesomeness that will leave them wanting more. If you're interested in volunteering check them out: www.gktw.org
I promise you that once you go, you're going to want to go back!

Peace, Love and Lead

Our kids are up against a whole lot these days and sometimes it can seem overwhelming. The class of 2018 will be setting foot in high school hallways in early September. I'm living in the moment and not thinking of summer being a thing of the past, but it will be here before we know it. These kids have a million different emotions swirling around about what to expect, how to react and the daunting concept of walking the hallways upperclassmen. We've all been there. 

Last week I wrapped up my first 'Peace, Love and Leadership Camp' designed specifically for incoming freshmen. We chatted, had plenty of activities and made the overwhelming concept of what lie ahead for them a lot less frightening. It was awesome watching the camp counselors, incoming seniors, chat with these guys about preparing themselves and having a plan before they even set foot in high school. What are your expectations for friendships? What sports/activities/clubs will you get involved in? What if a friend or you are in a bad situation? Who do you talk to? What are you going to do to become a better person and better the culture of your school and community? 

It was awesome watching campers place the pieces together of what ingredients can be placed together to make high school a great experience. The week transitioned from chat to actions where they worked in the school thrift shop gaining a grasp of who we serve and how far the money raised goes to help their peers. Starting at your doorstep goes pretty far.
The kids then met up at an area church to organize and prep their food pantry and clothing bank. With over 100 families served a month there is tremendous need for food, clothing and volunteers. I get a kick out of seeing eyes open and hearts get excited at the fact that their actions made a difference. In just a few hours their efforts helped feeding people in their community. Bam!

I love it! Kids can make a difference and there is no age limit. My nephew, Tristan, was right in the mix stacking cans, folding clothes and gaining life lessons that will alter his heart. It's amazing stuff!
So as our week came to a close there was no better way to get these guys totally stoked than a little color throwing throwing out the message that we all can choose to color our community and school with vibrant messages of giving, loving and serving or we can refrain stifling our growth and disallowing others to receive what they so sorely need.
From our first camp it was pretty clear that the class of 2018 is definitely starting on the right track. Super stoked!

Honduras

Without hesitation I would say that some of my greatest life lessons have been experienced abroad. We live in a great, blessed land of opportunity. Just recently my family and I spent some time in Honduras on the island of Roatan. I'm not sure what the average person conjures up when thinking of Honduras, but I didn't have a whole lot of knowledge of the country before we booked the trip. What I learned prior to and visiting is that the country laden with lush rainforest and picturesque beaches also faces tremendous poverty. The average worker earns an average of $15 a day.
We spent some time at an area orphanage as kids ran around on scooters, kicked around soccer balls and gained insight as to how many orphanages were on the island along with the stark reality that there is little room for opportunity or breaking out of the cycle of poverty.

From Honduras, Nicaragua, Egypt, Haiti, Fiji, Belarus and the Dominican the one constant factor was that those with the least seemed the most content. I am grateful for the comforts of home and every day living. From my lap top, iPhone, wifi, having a vehicle, running water and an air-conditioned home these are all things that make life a little more pleasurable. But sometimes there is that voice in the back of my head of just having too much stuff that has a way of interfering in the quality of life.

There is too much clutter that detracts from the beauty of the twenty -four hours of the day. Finding contentment isn't so easy sometimes. We live in a world with great beauty, but there is also so much heart ache and heaviness. I believe our days and years are so much fuller when we take the opportunity to enjoy the blessings around us. Stuff cannot bring joy. We might try with all our might, but it doesn't. 

Being content, fulfilled is a beautiful thing. It has been through my faith and relationship with God that has altered my perception of what is and what isn't important in this world. If the people of Honduras can be content with so little and so many Americans are discontent with so much there's something very wrong in how we are doing things.
My hope is that we use these faces and hearts to challenge ourselves and look on a heart level not a monetary level. Life lessons that resonate far and deep if we allow them. 

New Chapters Await

I so often hear both adults and teens refer to high school as the best four years of their lives. All I can do is remain silent and think how very depressing that would be if that were the case. Being that I've been out of high school for quite some time, that would be an awful reality if it were true. But where did that perception come from? Whether it be listening to too many loops of John Mellencamp or spending too much time on the Jersey Shore it's a mentality that is highly incorrect if you are living your life properly. 

My belief is that every stage of life is it's own chapter waiting to be written. So much of how we look at our next chapter has a bearing on its substance. I do note that there are things we face we have no control of: unemployment, sickness, loss of a loved one, etc. But factors outside of that are up to us. I get super disheartened when I bump into people who have been out of high school for ten, fifteen, twenty years and all they can do is chat about what was and not what is. My heart is sad for them. 

To all the graduates of 2014 I say, take life by storm. There will be bumps in the road, because if there aren't you're doing something wrong. Life is about growth, personal challenge and stretching yourself in ways that make you a better person. Do not settle for what is expected. Rather, make a bucket list of what you wish to accomplish in one, two and five years. Write it down and each day make it a point to get a little closer to those goals. It's up to you to go to your goals, your goals will not wait for you. 

So with summer's arrival don't let it be a blur. Do a few things that add to the you. Yes, I did say that.
A few pointers for rocking out the summer of 2014: Go on a road trip and let yourself get a little lost and don't use a gps; actually ask someone for directions. Drink every kind of slurpee at 7-11 before the end of July. Watch a sunrise and a sunset in two different places you've never been before (that could be Chatsworth or Collingswood). Catch fireflies. Swim in a lake under a full moon. Put your phone down and have coffee or iced tea with someone who means the world to you. Pick blueberries or strawberries and eat more than you pick. Sit under a canopy of stars. Buy someone in uniform a cup of coffee or bagel when your at Dunkin Donuts or Wawa. Send someone a note, by mail, telling them how you appreciate them. Go to a park and swing on a swing and try to reach the sky. 

Life is too short to not do something with it. Make whatever stage you are in life your own chapter that you just don't want to put down. When we live fully it's pretty cool how satisfied we become with taking the next step into the new chapter that will hold all new memories and experiences that are all our own. 

N-Bomb

Trends come and go when it comes to illegal substances that teens are using. Even though I work on the forefront of the addiction field, it can be challenging to keep up with what is and isn’t in. Regardless, I believe that there is power in knowing what’s out there and whether that is as a family member, friend or community member we do need to know.

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  Image courtesy of Google

  
  

N-bomb is a drug that has not, to my knowledge, made an appearance in South Jersey but it is only a matter of time until it does. What is it? It’s a hallucinogen that is an insane combination of MDMA (form of ecstasy that’s a cross over with Molly) and LSD that can be packaged as a nasal spry, liquid or powder. A problem is that it is frequently being mislabeled and sold as LSD, but the effects are much more dangerous. So a strategy for dealers is to mislabel a drug with the intention of getting their buyers hooked and returning for an item with a higher price tag, although more lethal.

Effects can last hours or days depending upon the potency and quantity of the dosage. But there have been numerous overdoses in New York where only a small amount was ingested. It’s scary stuff. Some of the side effects: seizures, heart attack, lapses in breathing, paranoia and death.

Why are people using it? The potency of the drug heightens senses with bright lights, colors as well as distorting visual images. The trips are referenced as being similar to LSD, just heightened, but due to the crazy mix of ingredients it’s a game of Russian roulette. You just don’t know what you’re getting.

I hope I’m wrong, but I believe within the next few months we will see this drug being referenced in our local papers.

Lots of stuff out there, but knowledge is power. Wishing you a great! 

wave in wave out

My arms are sore. Saturday brought my first opportunity to paddle out and catch some much needed spring surf. With the water temps breaking the 60 degree mark, sun out in full force and blue skies there was not much of a decision to make about rolling out of bed when the alarm went off at 5:30 am. It was the best drive through the Pine Barrens that I've had in some time.
I had not been out in a full wet suit paddling for hours at a clip in a while. Surfing is 90% paddling and 10% of actual riding a wave. It works muscles that you never knew existed that are different then what one uses in swimming or with free weights. Your body will ache after a constant range of motion that you're not accustomed to.
About a half hour out in the water I paddled past the breakers and waited before the next set of waves came in. It dawned on me how greatly my philosophy and approach with surfing has changed much as it has in my approach in life. When I was 21 I would have charged out paddling, surfing, paddling, surfing with little thought about how my limbs and legs would be feeling after the fact. A number of years ago I subjected my body to an eight hour surf session in Florida after not having been in the water in over two months. My muscles were not accustomed to the level of activity and I pushed them and the next morning they pushed back. I couldn't move my arms for close to six hours. They hurt and my body seemed to pulsate for a day or so. I was wrecked. Now, my approach is a little more thought out. Maybe we call that aging or simply common sense, but although my arms are presently sore on Sunday night they are not what they would have been if not for taking my surf session in stride. It's a good sore.

But the truth of the matter in both surfing and most importantly in life if we don't pace ourselves, take time to breath, pause and consider ways in approaching various situations or 'swells' that we may or may not face there is a lessened degree of soreness or wearing out by life. We all get tired, but sometimes the acuteness of it is simply due to our lack of planning and considering a long range vision of what lies ahead and what we are capable of handling.
We were never meant to paddle out into each set of waves in our lives without looking out at the horizon to see what exactly is coming at us next. It's hard to change speeds, learn how important it is to choose what waves or challenges to take and which to let go of as well as being at peace with sometimes just simply waiting allowing our bodies to recharge. I'm still a work in progress, but it's so worth being a good sore in life and not a sore that is detrimental to the next set of waves ahead of us. Enjoy your week and be a good sore in the waves you face ahead of you. 

Freedom, flag and gratitude

Most of us out probably have Monday off and there are trips to the shore, family barbecues and opportunity to work on the garden. It's wonderful having a little extra time to recharge and enjoy being with friends and family, but let us not forget the meaning behind this holiday. As we grill, laugh with friends and family and soak in a little down time we are able to do all of these things because of the selfless sacrifice of the countless men and women in uniform who paid the ultimate sacrifice. 

As kids we said the pledge of allegiance in school. As adults we pause and place our hands over our hearts as we listen to the Star Spangled Banner at ball games. But do we realize the magnitude of our freedom? How often do we connect that our every day freedoms have come with a very great cost? The many men and women who have worn a uniform, swore to protect us and gave their last breath becoming the true definition of sacrifice. It is these men and women who are heroes and who we should honor every single day. 

Today I think of the many friends my father lost who served in Vietnam. I think of a dear family friend, Jared Leonard, who served in the Middle East. I close my eyes as I sit in my backyard under a canopy of stars without fear of gunfire, being arrested for writing my thoughts on this blog or the possibility of being stoned to death for attending church services tomorrow morning. 

As you enjoy this weekend and go about your day with friends and family take the time to pause, remember and give thanks to those who are no longer with us. Freedom is a gift and a beautiful thing, but it has not come without great cost. 

Possibly pills

Just say no is easier said than done these days. Our kids are faced with a myriad of choices on a daily basis and the decisions whether or not to succumb to pressures can be daunting. A dilemma we are now facing within our community is the gap that exists in defining what is considered a drug. What falls in that gray area is over the counter medicines, marijuana and prescription pills.  Personal definitions of what is considered off- limits and what is not are changing constantly and may not jive with the law. This gray area of uncertainty is creating confusion and opportunity for impulsive decisions.

Our kids have grown up in a media saturated world. There are plusses and minuses with this.  A negative is the access to drug trends, how to use substances and the means to obtain them. This is where monitoring what sites your child visits is crucial.

If you were to do a survey of teens and adults in our community the vast majority would attest to a friend or relative who uses some form of prescription medicine. Medicine can do wonderful things when used for its intended purpose, but with its presence comes great responsibility.

What I have found disturbing is the knowledge of and perception towards prescription medications. If meds are not prescribed to you then you are not supposed to ingest them.  But after thousands of commercials with little clouds following animated characters suddenly transformed by a pill, the message our young people are receiving is that when I’m sad, need a pick me up or simply want to feel differently a quick fix is found in a pill. Whether it be Adderall, Effexor or any type of Percocet many of our kids know that pills will change how they feel without realizing what it can do and that it is addictive.

Here are some key aspects to pill abuse:

•       Most young people access prescription pills from a relative’s medicine cabinet or from a peer who accessed it from a relatives medicine cabinet 

•       Pills are, hands down, the new bridge between recreational drug use and the transition to harder drugs such as cocaine and heroin which are both on the rise within our community

•       Teens have self diagnosed themselves as anxious, depressed, in pain, etc. then personally justifying self medicating with pills

•       Nationally, we are in a scary place with heroin and the vast majority of users started with oxycontin knowing that it’s a pain pill, but unaware that it is the synthetic form of heroin

As a community this is a topic that isn’t going away any time soon. I urge you to have a chat with your child about their perception of pills, what to do if they have a friend who is using and that medications can really do wonderful things when properly used by a medical professional that may or may not be necessitate counseling. Take the time to peruse your own medicine cabinet, see what’s in there and do what’s needed to make sure that whatever is in there isn’t easily accessible.

Reasons why students may choose to experiment:

•       Studying, trying to keep attentive: adderall or ritalin (it’s a stimulant so it has the opposite effect on someone without a.d.d or a.d.h.d)

•       Unwind, space out:  Xanax or Valium

•       Euphoria, high: Oxycontin  (synthetic form of heroin)

None of us really think that addiction can swoop in and claim someone we love, but it is something that has its grasp on more lives than we can imagine. But the stepping stone usually begins with gate ways such as prescription pills. There is no longer a ‘type’ of person that uses and that’s the frightening reality. I believe the more we talk about it, chat with our kids and guard ourselves in knowing how to deter access then we have more working for us then against us.

Medical professionals can do wonderful things, but be your own advocate. It's ok to ask questions. There's nothing wrong to research and inquire about what the scrip tablet might be recommending. Be informed and aware of the plusses, negatives and in-betweens of different medications and always be aware of the before and after feelings while on meds. There is a window of time for meds to be absorbed by your blood stream, but be keenly aware of any drastic changes and inform your doctor if you feel significant changes. Ask questions, be you down advocate and be in tune with your body. 

Knowledge is power. Learn about what's out there and know what you don't know can hurt you. 

A little bit of madre

I am grateful for my mom. Over the past thirty- six years she has taught me what it means to be a mom, wife and friend throughout the course of my life. It is not as much through her words, but her actions. It has been thirty- six years of phone calls and conversations of listening when I need an ear and providing a hug or a shoulder to cry on when it was needed. It has been the thousands of pancake breakfasts and home made brownies that just seemed to appear no matter what stressors were going on outside of meal and kid time. It was the opportunity to be loved in manner that now, as an adult, I am in sheer awe of. My mom provided the life long definition of love, commitment and selflessness. These are now things I am able to pass onto my own family. Recycling what was and now what is becomes pretty fantastic.

Books and lectures can inform us, but the examples that our parents or guardians have set for us and the examples we now set as adults can transform us and those around us. Sometimes the examples that some of us were given were not health, but as we take strides through the different chapters of life it becomes a conscious choice to shed the negative and embrace the positive. And if it may be that your examples were paltry and non existent, it is then the step to transform yourself into the person your future partner, children, friends, etc. would want you to be.

In the past ten years as a counselor I have heard some pretty heart breaking stories of loss, inadequate parenting and a million other things that have had serious implications on many hearts. My heart aches with these stories, but it only provides further appreciation and reverence for the woman that God chose to pair me with. 

As I think of the many in my life whose mom's are no longer with them it reminds me how very fleeting this life is. Every holiday isn't wonderful and happy for everyone, that is something life taught me at a young age. But each day, each holiday and with every year that passes I am grateful for the now and those I love who share these special moments. Embrace the now and the beauty of what was and what is. 

I hope you took the opportunity to tell your mom how much she means to you on this day, and if your mom is no longer here with you take a few moments to close your eyes and remember memories that bring a smile to your face. Memories are some of the most precious parts of life that are worth their weight in gold. 

Know your labels

Marijuana has been used in many forms above and beyond merely smoking. Whether it be in cookies, tea, brownies or in a pipe or bong it is being abused and isn't going away any time soon. What should cause further alarm is that the rate of marijuana being 

packaged in the form of candy (jolly ranchers, kitkat, etc.) and it is getting in the hands of young children with the intention of a sort of hook, line and sinker mentality. Dealers aim at reeling their clients in at a young age and hoping they become dependent and long term customers. It's a business. 

I've attached an article that I recently received on candy marijuana. Check it out. Knowledge is power. 

     Situational Awareness: Marijuana Candy

 Marijuana candy is being seized with greater frequency in New Jersey and in other states. It is dangerous because of its potency, and poses a particular risk to children because it is often disguised as hard or gummy candy or chocolate.
As with other emerging drug trends originating on the West Coast, marijuana candy has made its way east to New Jersey. The growing marijuana manufacturing industries in Washington and Colorado are seizing the opportunities afforded by marijuana legalization in those states. There are companies marketing THC laced candy and fruit on the internet as medical marijuana.1 Additionally, dealers in states, where recreational marijuana is not legal, are manufacturing it themselves.

PRODUCTION OF MARIJUANA CANDY
Marijuana candy is made with highly concentrated marijuana oil or extract. The hard candies are made like any other candy using corn syrup, water, sugar, coloring and flavoring. Marijuana oil or extract containing concentrated THC is added to the mixture. The oil is made by grinding marijuana into a fine powder, heating it in vegetable oil, and passing it through cheesecloth or other types of filters to remove any solids.2 Recipes are available on the internet.

 The process to make marijuana chocolate is similar. The homemade candy is made by mixing marijuana oil with melted chocolate. Large scale medical marijuana production is taking place in Canada, where chocolate plants are licensed to manufacture marijuana chocolate. Smaller scale production occurs in the United States in jurisdictions where medical marijuana is legal. In Colorado, where recreational marijuana is legal, some companies sell products with different concentrations of THC depending on whether it is for medical or recreational use. The actual amount of THC in the edible products has been reported to vary widely.3

 

DETECTION OF MARIJUANA CANDY
Even though the marijuana candy may not appear suspicious, it still gives off a distinct marijuana odor when the packaging is opened. Drug sniffing dogs will also be able to confirm the presence of marijuana contained in candy.4 It may be branded and wrapped in commercial packaging, which closely resembles other known popular brands. It may also be wrapped in bags or wrappers appearing to be homemade.

SEIZURES IN NEW JERSEY
  In March 2014, Ocean Township (Monmouth County), Police seized 18 marijuana chocolate bars confirmed to contain marijuana. Also seized were 3 items described as marijuana wax.
  In December 2013, Wall Township Police seized 10 boxes of marijuana chocolate bars confirmed to contain marijuana.
  In June 2013, Long Branch Police seized 40 red candy-like cubes, similar in appearance to Jolly Ranchers, confirmed to contain marijuana.
  In February 2013, Edison Township Police seized 3 “Dank Grasshopper” chocolate bars suspected to contain hashish and/or marijuana. These bars are sold by Grateful Meds in Los Angeles, California.

SEIZURES IN NEIGHBORING STATES

• Pennsylvania
  In October, 2013, West Chester University Police seized over 40 pounds of THC-laced candy from an apartment at the university. The candy was in various shapes, sizes and, colors. (Photo at right). Considering the time of year of the seizure, police were concerned that the candy could wind up in Halloween bags.6
  New York
   In March of 2012 on the New York Thruway south of Albany, a father from Massachusetts and his daughter from Queens,New York, allegedly drove around the Northeast selling marijuana
  candies at “jamband” concerts getting upwards of $10 a piece for each candy. When they were stopped, they allegedly had 40 pounds of cherry, orange, root beer, sour apple, coffee, butter rum, guava, and pomegranate flavored marijuana candy along with a pound of marijuana. The two were charged with a felony count of criminal possession of a controlled substance. 7
  

Color Me Goodness

I very rarely watch the news. It's a combination of impatience, self preservation and the lack of desire to hear anything else heart wrenching in the course of my day. Some might say it's ignorance on my part and I'll take ownership if that's the case. I do have my news apps if that makes me less culpable from. I read, but opt not to watch. My heart aches and my mind spins when flicking on clips of murder, rape, fires, large scale devastation and so on. It's a bit of an emotional overload after a work day largely revolving around emotionally draining stuff.

I believe emphatically that it isn't about ignoring the hurt, the pain and the challenges in our community. It is rather doing something about it, one person at a time. I don't believe in whining or complaining. All that does is fester and induce drama and gossip where it fuels negativity. No bien. We must choose the angles in which we want to make a difference and then do something. It's stepping forward and transitioning from words into actions. Too many of us rant about the issues, what needs to be changed, but very few take that step and transform words into actions. Don't chat if you can't act. 

So with that, I spent Saturday morning having my mind and heart yet again encouraged and amazed by the students at Seneca High School. Don't tell me kids can't change the world. Don't succumb to a cynically saturated media focusing on faces and stories of teens who can't or won't do anything outside of themselves because they are wrong. Close to 500 kids registered for our 2nd Annual Color Me Goodness 5k this year. It was all about goodness. It was them gathering to raise money for outreach programs at our school as well as funding for our their peers facing financial challenges assisting with our food pantry, offsetting field trip costs and making high school obstacles a little less daunting. It was a day of goodness.
I have to tell you, standing in a cloud of color observing hundreds of kids laughing, running and motivated for a very personal cause didn't nothing short of humble me beyond words. I am grateful. I am blessed. I am aware that our efforts and striving to make a difference can and will happen because there is amazing power in numbers.
Here's to a week of goodness!