Self Harm

Being a teenager is tough stuff. They are faced with a myriad of challenges that can sometimes feel overwhelming. Our kids have choices as to how they handle stress, sadness, guilt, fear, etc. Expressing their emotions or confiding in another human being may seem like it isn’t an option and that’s a scary place to be.

     In the past decade there has been an increase in self- harm among the teenage population. Self-harm is when an individual cuts, punctures or burns themselves in sometimes visible, and other times not so visible, parts of their body.  

     It’s a struggle that can’t easily be met with, “just stop.” Self -harm is a form of coping, relieving pain and even expression. When emotions are connected to physical infliction of pain, the healing process is one requiring family support, accompanied by counseling.

     Many of you might be asking what does it look like? These marks may be masked by wearing long sleeve clothing or bracelets around the wrist or they can be in more discreet areas such as the inner thigh or on the stomach region. There is a minority of our students who will struggle with this, but many will indeed know someone who is harming himself/herself in this way.

     I’ve spoken with many parents over the years whose children have struggled with self -harm. As parents it is heart breaking. You desperately want to fix their hurting, but the pain is complex and the solution isn’t immediate. Support and counseling can help start the healing process.

     The reality is, many of our kids may encounter a friend, classmate or teammate who displays visible cuts on their arm or burns or cuts on their thighs or stomach. It’s uncomfortable to see and sometimes they stay quiet or make an attempt to fix their friend within their peer group. When it comes to self- harm the issues are deeply rooted and professional help can truly do wonders.

     My urging is for you to chat with your kids, reassuring them that even with all of their best intentions they cannot have the unrealistic responsibility of keeping something like this amongst friends or trying to fix it themselves. Some students may believe that any adult interaction will make things worse. Talking to a parent, older sibling, guidance counselor or outside counselor that can get things started in the right direction.

being in our kid's corner

It feels like every year there is some new drug being used, crazy ways of using substances and trying to keep up can be daunting. Throughout the school year I will do my best to keep you posted as well as throw terms and forms of paraphernalia that's out there that you may not be familiar with. 

The bottom line is that whether in a school setting, home or in a social setting if you throw substances in the mix it can be a little overwhelming in knowing what being under the influence looks like. I have parents ask me all the time, "what do I look for?" 

Symptoms of being under the influence:

·      glassy eyes

·      slurred speech

·      odor (alcohol, weed)

·      stumbling, lack of coordination

·      deviation in mood or behavior (erratic behavior or extreme lethargy)

There are occasions where outside factors can have a bearing on a young person's appearance, such as allergies or lack of sleep. But you know your child better than anyone and if your gut is telling you something more than likely you're right on cue.

 I do believe our kids can get through their high school years without getting into using substances, but it sure isn't an easy task. Communicate with your kids, know who they spend their time with,  encourage them to chat if they have concerns about friends or even themselves. Being a teenager is really hard and our kids have pressures on them every day. Let them know you are rooting for them and that drinking and smoking weed isn't a right of passage in high school.

I do believe most of our kids really don't want to get into using substances, but many feel alone or get tired of the fight and can often just throw in the towel succumbing to pressure. It is our job as parent's to be our kids biggest advocate and cheerleader. Remind them how awesome they are, reinforce that they are not alone in this fight. Remember, it takes a village.