This weekend I made a concerted effort to consolidate the many boxes and trinkets that I've accumulated over my past 36 years. It's funny how difficult it can be to part with objects from a previous chapter in life. Some things are really hard to let go of no matter how old you are.
As I kid I spent a good amount of time journaling from middle school and into my travels through Europe after college. It's amazing to re-enter a world through your own eyes and then be able to step right back into a farm of life that could have so easily been forgotten. To be honest, there were moments as I was flipping through the endless mounds of notebook paper that I found myself laughing, holding back tears and even fighting off anger. It was a wild ride into a past that I had long since forgotten.
Every one of us possesses our own chapters, stories and experiences in life. There are moments that are beautiful, memorable and others that are simply devastating. What I have found in my years of counseling is how our past must be a balancing act. Our past, chapters one and onward, are part of who we are but it does not have to dictate who we become.
So many teens and adults I encounter want to be free of their past, but end up in a figurative battle waging against themselves. It's the ten year old Sarah versus the 19 year old Sarah. The fight becomes tiring with no one clearly ever winning the battle. How many of us have had a bout with past and present us with memories and experiences that have shaken us up a bit?
Each of us have our own demons, struggles parts of our chapters that we wish we could forget. Whether it be growing up in a home laden with addiction, being subjected to abuse, a string of unhealthy relationships, tremendous loss or a life time of hurt and disappointment. Everyone has their own battles. Each of us owe part of who we are today due to what we have experienced. But what is critical is realizing the past is the past. There are somethings we must step forward, move on and allow them to make us stronger. Other aspects of life are to be cherished, but not to become freeze framed in. The past can also be alluring to reflect and live in what was and what the individual has convinced themselves can never be again.
One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in life is the power of forgiveness. Once we take that huge step, and I do mean huge, we are free from the chains of resentment and anger that holds us down. Most of us harbor anger, resentment and hatred towards someone or something in our lives. Whether we realize it or not all of that yuck has an influence on our outlook on life, relationships and how we function. Sometimes it's subtle, but regardless it's there. Forgiveness is powerful. Forgiveness is life altering. But there is a difference between forgiveness and forgetting. Two very different things that can be merged together, but they are two separate entities. Letting go, releasing that person or thing then, in turn, releases you. Easier said then done, but when those shackles are free you become emotionally liberated.
Learning to live in the now is a challenge and a balance that takes time to maneuver. It has taken me many years to come to the realization of how precious this balance is. But when you maintain the balance of what was, what is and what is to come the level of health and stability becomes what it was intended to. That, my friend, is a pretty cool reality.
Learning to live in the now is a challenge and a balance that takes time to maneuver. It has taken me many years to come to the realization of how precious this balance is. But when you maintain the balance of what was, what is and what is to come the level of health and stability becomes what it was intended to. That, my friend, is a pretty cool reality.
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