Be still and recharge

It's a crazy, fast paced kind of world we live in. So often our calendar app is what dictates what we can and cannot do. It can seem daunting to incorporate 'me' time into the daily grind. We're overstretched and under refreshed. I am a big believer in the correlation held between our physical and mental health. When we burn the candle at both ends we suffer in more ways than one. We tire easier, our tolerance lessens and headaches or other ailments can find their way into an already funky state. 

As a counselor it is easier to give advice than to apply it to my own life. I think that can apply to most of us in the role of parent, colleague, friend, etc. It's nice and painless to verbalize what someone else needs to do conveniently avoiding the emphasis on our own stuff.
The past year or so I have made a concerted effort to apply my words to my own life. I spent the weekend at my parent's farm located in Virginia, about an hour outside of Richmond. It's a stark contrast to New Jersey. Every time I visit I realize how tightly wired I am and the struggle to train myself to relax and enjoy my surroundings. I believe that stillness is something we all need. Our brains, bodies and cell phones are always going and incessantly working even when they don't need to be.
So as I sit on the train bound for Philly I consider the preciousness of walking side by side with my nephew along the farm's property line talking, holding hands and having nothing more on the agenda then catching a fish in the pond.
Simplicity isn't something that comes naturally these days, but it's something we need every once in a while. It makes you enjoy life, breathe a little deeper and appreciate the blessings around you. I hope you will take a little time this week to give thanks for the little things that really are bigger than you might realize.

journey and balance

This weekend I made a concerted effort to consolidate the many boxes and trinkets that I've accumulated over my past 36 years. It's funny how difficult it can be to part with objects from a previous chapter in life. Some things are really hard to let go of no matter how old you are. 

As I kid I spent a good amount of time journaling from middle school and into my travels through Europe after college. It's amazing to re-enter a world through your own eyes and then be able to step right back into a farm of life that could have so easily been forgotten. To be honest, there were moments as I was flipping through the endless mounds of notebook paper that I found myself laughing, holding back tears and even fighting off anger. It was a wild ride into a past that I had long since forgotten. 

Every one of us possesses our own chapters, stories and experiences in life. There are moments that are beautiful, memorable and others that are simply devastating. What I have found in my years of counseling is how our past must be a balancing act. Our past, chapters one and onward, are part of who we are but it does not have to dictate who we become. 

So many teens and adults I encounter want to be free of their past, but end up in a figurative battle waging against themselves. It's the ten year old Sarah versus the 19 year old Sarah. The fight becomes tiring with no one clearly ever winning the battle. How many of us have had a bout with past and present us with memories and experiences that have shaken us up a bit? 

Each of us have our own demons, struggles parts of our chapters that we wish we could forget. Whether it be growing up in a home laden with addiction, being subjected to abuse, a string of unhealthy relationships, tremendous loss or a life time of hurt and disappointment. Everyone has their own battles. Each of us owe part of who we are today due to what we have experienced. But what is critical is realizing the past is the past. There are somethings we must step forward, move on and allow them to make us stronger. Other aspects of life are to be cherished, but not to become freeze framed in. The past can also be alluring to reflect and live in what was and what the individual has convinced themselves can never be again. 

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned in life is the power of forgiveness. Once we take that huge step, and I do mean huge, we are free from the chains of resentment and anger that holds us down. Most of us harbor anger, resentment and hatred towards someone or something in our lives. Whether we realize it or not all of that yuck has an influence on our outlook on life, relationships and how we function. Sometimes it's subtle, but regardless it's there. Forgiveness is powerful. Forgiveness is life altering. But there is a difference between forgiveness and forgetting. Two very different things that can be merged together, but they are two separate entities. Letting go, releasing that person or thing then, in turn, releases you. Easier said then done, but when those shackles are free you become emotionally liberated.
Learning to live in the now is a challenge and a balance that takes time to maneuver. It has taken me many years to come to the realization of how precious this balance is. But when you maintain the balance of what was, what is and what is to come the level of health and stability becomes what it was intended to. That, my friend, is a pretty cool reality.  

Do Something

Human trafficking is an issue we have typically categorized as being a global issue contained in places as Asia and Eastern Europe. Disturbing images of young girls on the street corner being pawned off for sex. It's hard to wrap your mind around that such atrocities can happen, but the anger rarely transforms to anything further than a 30 minute tv segment. I've been just as guilty as the next person.

Earlier this week I had the opportunity to hear Kelly Master, the founder of Dining for Dignity, speak on this issue at Rowan University. I first met Kelly last month. My goal has been to find a way to have her speak at my high school since that hour plus we spent in my office. She shared the stark reality of human trafficking. It is here. It is not going away. Young girls from 11 on up being lured, abducted and drugged up and placed on the streets. South Jersey, Central Jersey, North Jersey and every state in our nation is a part of these statistics.

There have been tremendous benefits and strides made due to technology. But realizing with the ability to use it for good there is the negative that follows. The floodgates have been opened with the internet creating free reign for perverts and predators. Whether it be Facebook, twitter, instagram or the local mall their business is sex and they are making an exorbitant amount of revenue off of the sexual exploitation and raping of young girls. How can this be happening, you may ask? It's simple, it has become a game of the hunter pursuing the hunted in the ways that creates the fastest access, the internet. They are good, very good at what they do. It's preying and pouncing on their victims and the plan is strategic and well played.


It's flattery to the young girl at the mall and asking for her number, friending the unsuspecting victim on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter and lying low until the opportunity presents itself for a compliment or making a connection with a similar interest. The perpetrator via the internet may pose as someone similar in age or as the attractive, seducing older man. Contact is made and once the child and predator meet they are quickly relocated, drugged up, brain washed into fearing for their every move, raped and forced to have sex with any man willing to pay.

It is our job to educate our children on how critical it is to be aware, for us as parents to monitor what they are having access to and discussing this reality with them in a way that is age appropriate. Our kids are so innocent and often shielded from the true evil that exists in this world. Equip them with what they need to know. Do not keep your eyes closed.

I find it so important for young people to have someone in their life too talk with that is an older, healthy adult in their life. Whether that be a parent, an aunt or uncle, grandparent older sibling or cousin it is so critical for that young heart to have someone they feel comfortable discussing their stressors, questions and concerns with. When they feel like there is no one to speak to they find someone and that more than likely won't be someone you find comfort in your child speaking to. We have to advocate for our kids. The battle is on and unless we take action our kids will be exposed to things that they shouldn't be.

Be aware of what your kids are posting, who they follow or are friends with as well as dialoging about the dangers that lie out there. Kelly's stories sent a shiver down my spine. Young children are being violated and exploited on a daily basis. It is our job to keep our eyes open, ears tuned in and hearts receptive to our own kid's needs as well as the dangers that are out there. One child is too many. We have an epidemic on our hands.

I encourage you to become more informed via www.diningfordignity.org. Gain insight and support a cause that is worth fighting for.

Drug Lady

I am the drug lady. For the past decade I have served as the Substance Awareness Coordinator (SAC) at Seneca High School. My background is in addiction's studies, but the every day covers the spectrum of a to z. It can range from anxiety, depression, addiction, relationship issues, etc. It's all encompassing. Every kid that sits in my room brings another story and challenge waiting to be unravelled.

There are days the job knocks the wind out of me and it feels like there is nothing left to give. There are moments when that young person who has been struggling for so long finally takes that step that was so desperately needed to start a new chapter and I am there to witness it. That, my friend, is worth its weight in gold. Working with hearts wasn't intended to be easy.




After ten years of countless faces, stories and experiences it seemed appropriate to begin penning some of those moments where passing on the insights and lessons was fitting. Our kids are hurting, lessons are slipping through our finger tips and the precious nature of life is so often placed on the back burner.

Anytime I respond to someone asking what I do for a living I am inevitably bombarded with the standard questions: a) what are kids using b) where is it coming from c) what trends (substance and mental health related) are most common. I've come to realized most people in our communities are unaware of what's going on. This is what I do for a living and it's hard to keep up. Trends and forms of use is ever changing. Kids are quicker than us and when you get a term and you think that you've got it, you're really a step and a half behind.

I believe strongly that there is power in knowledge, change can happen in numbers and being pro active can shift the status quo. Good things can happen, that I am confident of. So my hope is to inform and hopefully transform individuals on what is going, what to look for and what to be aware of.

Let's do this!